Am I Selfish?

Are you the worst kind of selfish if you haven't realised that you've been beyond selfish in the past?

OR

Are you simply not selfish at all, only human, but are made to feel like you are selfish?

These two questions have been plaguing my mind recently and I have no clue what the answer is. 

The funny thing is that we're all selfish, in one way or another. It's human nature to put ourselves above those around us and in essence that is what being selfish is. Sometimes being selfish is the only way to get by, not because you want to be selfish but because others are. Other people being selfish makes us need to be selfish in order to not be taken for a mug and to stand up for ourselves rather than just being a doormat. 

But there's a difference between the normal level of human selfishness and then there's the selfishness that makes you a horrible person.

I admit that in the past I have been moderately selfish, but I have always believed, rightly or wrongly, that I am a non-selfish person on the whole. I have always strived to be considerate and put others above me that have resulted in negative effects on me. But recently, I've been noticing little things that make me feel like maybe I have been too selfish without even realising. And if I haven't realised I've been selfish, doesn't that make me the worst kind of selfish? And if I am the worst kind of selfish, does that make me a horrible person?

Hmm.

Thoughts like these make me self-conscious about who I am and how I come across to people. I would like to think that I am a genuinely nice person that people want to be around and know that there wouldn't be anything I could do out of malice. But is that reality or just a warped sense of reality that I wish were true?

Who knows.

I shall ponder some more and think about my life a little to see whether or not I can answer my questions. For now, I guess I will be a little bit more self-aware of what I do to try and eradicate any selfishness..

Well this got a little out of hand on the philosophical front... Way too much for a Tuesday morning!

Love you all,

Nicole 

xxx