How To Look Good Naked

Want to walk around in your birthday suit with untold amounts of confidence when you pass people in the street?

Want to never have to buy a new set of clothes for that "new wardrobe" of yours for whatever season it is currently becoming?

Want to save yourself a fair fortune by not being sucked into the money grabbing, soul destroying trends that are constantly plaguing our high streets?

I have compiled a list of how to look good naked that'll leave you never needing to go to the clothes shops ever again!

1. Shave your legs.

When you're in the buff, there is absolutely only one place people are looking and yes, that is your spidery, pale legs. There's nothing less attractive than unkempt legs when you're baring your naked breasts and private areas.

2. Don't diet.

Who needs to diet to refine that figure of theirs? Be proud of what God gave you and just showcase those lumps and bumps like you're a model on a catwalk that hasn't eaten in days. We're walking down the high street naked, not auditioning for Miss America. Be au naturel with everything other than your hairy legs- taming those bad boys is imperative. You don't want to embarrass yourself now!

3. Wear makeup.

When you're underdressed on your body, the only answer is to overdress on your face. Slap that orange foundation on your face and you won't even see the red blush of embarrassment that creeps up your face when you walk out in nothing but what you was born with. Don't forget the bronzer and mascara to top off your super sexy look. There's nothing that screams confident more than a layer of crap on your face.

4. Paper bag.

Although, don't worry too much about how well your makeup is done because the only way people can walk out completely naked and feel good is if you wear a paper bag over your head concealing your identity. Unless you are known for getting naked on a regular basis in front of a varied "fan base" and then I say, hold your head up high and strut your stuff, beautiful soul. I would suggest rethinking your life choices though ;)

5. Get a temporary tattoo on your arse.

When you're walking away from people with your head held high about being starkers, there's nothing more as a lasting impression than a very strong message on your arse. I personally like this one but you can choose whatever you want- just make it memorable...

And now I think you're ready to tackle the world in the buff. You go out there, and put my tips to good use and remember- no outfit is complete without a good smile even if you can't see it underneath the paper bag and cement of makeup on your face... It's the effort that counts I guess.

;) xxx