June Challenge: 28. First Death

28. First Death:

I literally hate everything about having to write this blog- from having to reliving the horrible memories of this to the fact that I have such a strong and still raw reaction to this experience right the way to even having this first experience.
I don't think I will say much about it in this blog but when my first death happened, I have blogged about it before so  I will link you the blog/blogs that I did that will better explain my experience with my first death. 
In this blog, I will express how lucky I have been that I was quite old before I had my first experience of death. Sure, I had people die in my beforehand like my Big Nanny but I was so young that I remember her but I don't remember her death from where she went from being there to not being there. My first proper experience of death was when I was 19 and it was a very long drawn out death that literally tore my whole life to pieces. I have never felt the pain and complete and utter devastation than when I lost my Nan.
I was also so close to my Nan and so seeing her slowly deteriorate was the worst. One of the worst parts about her death was that I was at Uni. It was my first year so although I was home when she died, I missed out on a lot of the months where I could've spent time with her and even to this day I regret it...
Here are some blogs that explain things a little better if you wish to read them: 1. Reliving Nan memories and explaining what happened: http://nicolespearlsofwisdom.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/two-years.html
2. How I responded to my first death: http://nicolespearlsofwisdom.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/grief.html
3. Missing Nan: http://nicolespearlsofwisdom.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/i-miss-my-nan.html
Reading it all back, it literally makes me cry :'( so I'm going to stop there.
I bloody hate this part of life!