As a human; I'm not perfect and those that claim to be simply lie. Alike everyone, in life, there are things that make me irrevocably happy and positively sad. For the most part, the feelings from my heart, and thoughts from my mind will be presented here; the ups, downs and the in betweens. I don't aim to rant or moan but simply to share my experiences and help others as I journey along into fully fledged adulthood.
You are going to be here reading this for one of two reasons- one you are thinking 'Nicole, what are you doing talking about breast enlargement. I'm worried- let me check on you. OR two 'is there a pic of before and after...' I really hope that the majority of you are thinking number one and if you're thinking number two, you will be severely DISAPPOINTED...
I know it's only a Thursday and this stuff should probably be kept for a Saturday night drinking session but as I get older, I realise that these sorts of hidden truths are what makes taboo subjects so hard to talk about. For months now, I have had a laugh and a joke with my family about starting up a 'boob fund' so that I can achieve a body that I am proud of.
Now before people get on their high horses about 'you have a great body, why are you moaning?' I want you to all just take a step back with a deep breath and hear me out. Yes, I am potentially moaning and yes for some people, I may have a 'desirable' body but the part that most people miss out on these subjects is not how YOU feel about my body but how I feel about it.
I am naturally skinny and I thank the Lord for that because otherwise I would literally be the size of a house but I was blessed/cursed with being tall and skinny, which resulted in a body that never really looked feminine. When I first went to uni, I put a bit of chub on and my boobs were of a reasonable size- I was really happy with that aspect of my body but unhappy with the rest of it. To cut a story short, since then, I lost weight and the skinnier frame became my norm but with a skinnier frame came zero boobage.
Now, some people rock this look but for me, I just didn't feel like a woman and I didn't feel desirable. I hated the way I looked- I shied away from any male contact because I could NOT imagine getting my kit off with being so unhappy with myself. That was when I seriously looked into surgery to help me and if I'm honest, I do still think about it as an option. It's hard for me to see such beautiful woman that are so confident with their body and not want that for myself.
It's terrible but it's actually 'jokes' and comments like these that hurt the most.
That was a couple of months ago and since then, I've tried to be positive about my body and help from natural ways like putting on a little more weight just to fill it out a bit and there are days when I'm happy with the way I look. Naturally, there are days when I still consider getting a boob job.
I wanted to share with people that no matter what size you are, there is usually SOMETHING you are not happy with- however small it is. I want to tell people that you shouldn't stop sharing these things just because people tell you that 'they would kill for a body like yours'. That is not the point- the point is you want someone to listen, someone to understand and not judge. It is terrible that we judge people on their insecurities before helping them. I hope that this blog post makes you stop and think that next time someone wants to share a worry or an insecurity that they aren't compliment fishing but actually honestly wanting to share.
I have not yet decided what I want to do with my body but it's important that no matter what we feel. think or want; we are always allowed those opinions and thoughts of ourselves. Never silence them for someone else because it's important to share them. Everyone just wants to feel comfortable in their own skin- regardless of their size, shape or colour.
Okay, so I never said that I could keep up to date with blogging anymore but I really didn't think it had been as long as it had. As usual, it's my spiel of 'I'm back' again after an absence but I decided that given it is a brand new year, I thought I might come back to my home.
I did an assembly today with the Year 1s and 2s of my school and I thought that it's never too young to get children thinking about their goals and what they want to achieve. Naturally, my assembly was all about New Year's Resolutions.
If you're a regular to my blog... unlike the blogger is... you might know that the past couple of years I have shunned resolutions because I feel that it is too hard to keep to them throughout the whole year- I instead like to make monthly resolutions... not that I always stick to them either. But today, I decided that I would talk about what I want to achieve.
My new year's resolution since I was a child was always to stop biting my nails- I shared this with the children and they had a little giggle. I honestly believe that the children think adults and teachers are some divine being that are never wrong and are always perfect. Who knows where they get that idea from but it certainly is not me... The teacher that hardly has her act together but that's neither here nor there.
Anyway, during that assembly, my colleague shared what her resolution was, which was to run more to get fit and healthy and although my family are on a health kick at the moment, I didn't consider it a goal. I would like to say that my goal is to blog more but we always know how that goes.
I started my 2017 with my family that happen to just be some of my closest friends too so I guess my resolution for this year would be to not lose sight of those that are important to me. The nature of my job ends up being all consuming- when you add children into the mix for any part of your life, it does become all consuming but I am determined to find a work-life balance. That included seeing family and friends but also making time in my life to find someone special that I am spend my life with.
There can't be THAT much wrong with me... except my love of Snapchat filters... #oops #sorrynotsorry
That being said, I have always been a true believer of respecting and loving yourself, which I think I may finally be doing. I do want to find someone that I get on well with and a relationship comes naturally. I have only ever felt that true connection with a couple of people in my life and unfortunately timings or circumstances have always got in the way. Perhaps my new year's resolution is to make time to form those connections- however they come around...
It also wouldn't hurt for me to blog more often either but we'll see how well that goes...
Hello 1st August. I was meant to blog earlier and do the whole cheesy "pinch punch first of the month" but I didn't because two little boys came and kept me preoccupied all day. First, we dropped the cats off at the vets to get their injections, then we played in the garden before their naps. After that, I created a 'picnic fairy' for the boys to wake up to and we sat in the living room having a picnic with our lunch that the 'picnic fairy' left for us! Then we went to the shops and it was such a busy day that I almost forgot to blog.
Not only did I have a busy day with my little nephews but I also had to do my sister's gel nails for her holiday. I bought a cheap UV lamp to cure gel nail varnish and I've been practising on my sisters. I'm doing quite well with doing them- the only problem is that my nails are shocking since I had acrylic nails on so I'm waiting for them to get back to being healthy before I apply more crap to my nails.
Although it is the month that everyone associates with summer, it rained today- typical. Anyway, this is what I'm doing for the month of August!
- 2nd August: This is Jacob's 2nd birthday so I will be spending some of the day with this little dude and eating cake (which is my favourite thing ever)!
- 3rd August: We are going to see Aladdin in the theatre, which should be amazing. I have heard some good reviews about the show and I love the Disney film so I hope it lives up to my expectations- I shall let you know afterwards, as always!
- 4th and 5th August: I go to an exercise class called Clubbercise, which is basically a fun dance based class to keep fit. I don't really go for losing weight but it is so much fun that I do love going anyway.
During August, I am going on holiday to Cyprus, which I can't wait for. My legs are currently the exact shade of milk so it is not a good look to get them out- not that we have much chance of that anyway with the weather.
I don't have anything else planned really throughout the month that are set plans because now that I'm off, I live day by day not necessarily planning it all.
My friends and I are planning a trip to the cinema at some point to see Finding Dory and we also want to go crazy golf. We'll see when we fit those in!
I hope wherever you are in the world that your weather is much better than it is in England right now. England seems to get confused by the concept of summer and doesn't actually get the memo that it's meant to be sunny and hot. Never mind, summer is always about the sun and a tan but it would be nice for one year to live up to the season.
What are you doing this month? Let me know if you want, in the comments below- I sure do read them!
Also, before I go, I've been loving this song (Shawn Mendes- Treat You Better) and the girl that sings this cover sings it so beautifully that I had to share it with you! I found Georgia on Youtube a couple months ago and when she sang this cover, I fell more in love with the song!
Yesterday was such a long, yet exciting day at Peppa Pig World. It took us about 1 hour and a half to get there, taking 3 separate cars with a limited signal in Southampton and a little cloud but we all made it there. It was incredibly busy with so many little children. I thought I would share with you my most favourite picture of the day- me, my sister and Jacob (the early birthday boy). We were in the exciting ride on Grandpa Pig's boat. It was very thrilling...
The other thing that I would say is that unless you have lots of little ones, Peppa Pig World does get boring- naturally as it is for little humans and not adults. It is so precious seeing their joy when they catch sight of one of the characters as well as going on all the rides. The theme music that constantly plays throughout the park can bugger off because it gets too annoying!!
As part of this blog today, I thought I would give you a bit of a summary of this week- I have managed to blog most days but I wanted to anyway. It's the last day of the month, which is insane thinking about. I shall do a 1st of August blog tomorrow to let you know what my August looked like!
Monday- I crapped my pants thinking about my driving test and grilled my dad on the worst roundabout where I live- there are way too many exits and too many lanes and that's without mentioning other drivers that literally cut every lane at any opportunity. I also babysat my nephew Jacob, who I adore!
Wednesday- After having such a busy day yesterday with my driving test and my cinema date, I chose to spend this day lazily. I took a couple of driving adventures and even did my first solo drive, which was both scary as hell and exciting. I even put the radio on - how very cheeky of me!
Thursday- I went out for some drinks with my friend from school who had left last year. We had such a great year working together and I was devastated when she left but it makes me happy that we still see each other- what was meant to be low key drinks at 6PM turned into drinking until half 11 and then rushing to catch the last train home... Oops.
Friday- I don't think I actually did anything... Ultimtely lazy day.
Saturday- Peppa Pig World
Sunday- Cleaning my room. I feel like Sundays are always reserved for some sort of cleaning or tidying... It's just the rules.
I feel very lucky that I get to spend this part of the year off of work and take time to just look after myself. I'm really trying hard to not think about work or do work because I know that once it gets back to being September, I'll be back to being stressed. I also take this opportunity to blog again, which is why every half term/summer holidays, I go back to blogging regularly. I just wish I could sustain it throughout the term!
Yes, you did read that title correctly. I am a 24 year old girl and today I am spending the day at Peppa Pig World. Do not ask me what is at Peppa Pig World because I don't actually know but it's all in the name of love.
On 2nd August, it will be Jacob's 2nd birthday. It seems so crazy that 2 years ago, he was a tiny little baby in my arms hours old.
Where else better to go than Peppa Pig World when you are 2 years old? I'll let you know what it is like and if I recommend any of you to go- probably not for anyone that does not have children unless you really like Peppa Pig...
I hope it doesn't rain... (yes, I did prewrite this blog because I've got to get up really early to travel 1hr 30 mins to get to Peppa Pig World- the dedication is real!)
Have a great Saturday! I know I will with Peppa and George!!
Also, this is my 800th blog- how crazy and what a blog to commemorate this achievement!
When I first saw the initial photos of Alexander Skarsgård as Tarzan, I immediately said to all of my friends that no matter whether they wanted to see it or not, we were going to see Tarzan when it came out. I could not miss the film that came with that body. I mean, oh my goodness- surely this is what dreams are?
As soon as I came out of the cinema, I turned to my friend and asked where I could find myself a Tarzan- something about the possessiveness and the primal feeling he gave searching for the woman he loved. Nothing, not even hundreds of men were going to stand in his way. The film is good but part of it is just playing on the hearts of women with all the shirtless scenes and the hot make out sessions that they have.
When I first heard that they were making Tarzan a 'live action' film, I thought they were going to remake the Disney classic. I absolutely adore the original Disney Tarzan but with Alex in this film, I love this one just as much! I was surprised when my friend told me before I went and saw it that it was a continuation- which I didn't really understand when she first told me.
I was even more confused when the film started in what looked like old London with Tarzan/John Clayton in a suit in a grand manor with servants. I did question whether or not I had come in the wrong cinema screen. So basically, the premise of the story is that John Clayton left Tarzan behind and his mother and father were very rich, which he took over from after he found and married Jane. Then a proposal came for him to return to Africa to help stop the slavery of the African people and tribes.
The film then changes to the African setting with Tarzan meeting with his old friends- humans and animals. Unfortunately, as always, there is a bad guy that takes the one thing that Tarzan would do anything for- his wife. The rest of the film is about Tarzan doing anything he can to get her back. As you could predict, it involves the classic Tarzan noise, swinging from vines and you guessed it, topless fighting and running.
What a man!
I loved this film because not only did it tell the story beyond the Disney film but it also was so emotionally charged and it felt like the characters were real and the emotions they were feeling were real. Call me a hopeless romantic if you will but I truly did feel like he would do anything for Jane. Also Margot Robbie is an absolute babe!
Today was the day that I finally passed my driving test- I had to take a cheeky selfie to prove to everyone I did it. I also managed only 1 minor during my driving test, which I thought was amazeballs. It made me so happy to have passed today.
Unfortunately, I would've loved to have said I passed first time but I didn't. This was my second attempt at passing and when I first failed, I truly thought I was the biggest failure out there but now that I've had time to process it, I don't mind. I don't mind that I failed first time because just because you pass first time, it doesn't mean that you're a better driver. My first failure was because of another road user (a large van) did not follow the road rules and as a consequence made my right choices a major. On the day, I was devastated- as my family and friends would tell you, but now I think, so what?
And actually talking to other people, not passing first time is far more common than passing first time but people don't talk about it. So if you're out there and feel crap because you didn't pass first time, know that it doesn't matter! It doesn't mean you're a bad driver, it might've just been the circumstance, weather or your feelings. It's fine to pass second, third or even fifth time!
I'm so happy that I can close the chapter of learning to drive and move onto a new challenge and adventure. What that adventure is, I do not know!
I've been teaching for 2 years now in Year 1 and I am classed as an experienced teacher- next year I am solely leading year 1 but along the way, I've learned some things that are very important.
It is now the summer holiday so I have plenty of time to think about where things went right this year, where things when wrong and what I could've done differently. Hindsight is such a beautiful thing isn't it? In the moment, you'll make a decision and you'll think it is the right one but when you look back on the situation with a clear objective mindset, you see that there are other things that could have been done. I guess that's just life!
I composed a list of things I have learned being a teacher and although there are way more than 10, I thought it would get a bit boring if my blog was 101 things I've learned since being a teacher. Moderation and limits is one thing that I've learned- know when to stop.
So here they are:
1. There is nothing more annoying than a child elongating your name and saying it over and over again. Hearing Missssssss Ryyyyy-aaaaannnnnn several times a day makes you really hate your name. Although, it does annoy me, I've learned to ignore it and I think that's the only thing you can really do in the situation.
2. You're an amazing actress. I used to think that I was really bad at acting at school and I really did hate drama in front of others but since teaching, I've had the best acting job of my life. I don't know how many times I have wanted to burst out laughing at something a child has said and yet kept a straight face or been handed something disgusting and not reacted the slightest. Someone give me an Oscar!
3. Empty your pockets before you do your washing. I don't know how it happens but somehow I come home with half the class in my pockets. Children love to find things, give it to you and in the moment, the only thing you can do is put it in your pocket and then you forget about it.
4. Teaching is one heck of a diet- you're so busy throughout the day that you completely forget to eat. It's great when you want to lose weight.
5. Children are the most loyal humans you will ever meet. It doesn't matter if you're having a bad day or if you have put children on time out, they will always end the day with giving you a big smile and loving you no matter what. Now, I'm a big believer in not being a child's friend per say- yes, I have fun and am silly with them because they are children but at the end of the day, if we end the day with them disliking me because I've been teaching them right from wrong, I've done my job. It's about teaching them and not always being liked.
6. Take time to just have fun and join in with their learning and their play. It's extraordinary how much of our job is governed by numbers/data and objectives but at the end of the day, children also need to be taught how to be children and cooperate during play. Don't forget how old your children are. The government will always push children to their very limits and you should push them to achieve their potential but teaching is not always about that end result- take the time to remember how old they are and change your day according to this. Take those moments to let them be that age.
7. Don't let planning, marking and the rest of the paperwork take over your life. I know it's hard to say but if it isn't done, the world will not end. Find a sliver of time from somewhere else or change your plans. It's important to know when to stop work and remember you're human and have a life as well.
8. There is a time when the talk of, sight of and smell of bodily fluids will make you uncomfortable but not want to vomit yourself. Breath through your mouth, put a big smile on your face and deal with the job in hand. It's not a nice thing but it gets part of routine after a while!
9. Don't worry. I used to worry so much about every little thing from fitting everything into my day to having a perfectly quiet classroom to having a successful lesson every time but now I've realised that although it would be a lovely life to have that, it's simply unrealistic. Yes, most days, you want successful lessons but not all children are going to learn at the same rate so there will be days when nothing seems to go right and no matter how many different ways you teach something, the children still don't get it and it's FINE! That is okay. You're human, it's allowed. Don't forget that you're not working with machines, you're working with tiny little humans with their own thoughts, feelings and experiences.
10. Regardless what anyone says, teaching really is the best job in the entire world! I do love teaching.
Those are the 10 things that came to mind when I think about the things I have learned over the past 2 years. It's not to say that I don't forget to remind myself of these things during term times.
Yep, you've got it. It's the holidays so that means Miss Ryan gets enough time off of work to even give my blog a second thought and when I give it a second thought, I always miss it and come crawling back to it. I come crawling back, begging for anyone to read it like a sad little lost puppy begging for its owner to come and find it...
Summer holidays... Doesn't it feel good? (Sincere apology to those people who no longer get to feel the excitement of a summer holiday)
Anyway, today has been a pretty chilled day- it's been a day, in fact a weekend, filled with a little sense of nostalgia. So I feel like a blog to tell you about this nostalgia is in order.
Yesterday I traveled out of London to go and visit an old Uni friend that I hadn't seen in what felt like years. It is crazy to think that I left Cardiff Uni 3 years ago. How bizarre is that?! We went walking along the canal and it was so lovely to chat to him about everything that has happened recently and reminisce about our uni antics. We went for a pub lunch and chilled before I came back to London.
This really set the tone for my weekend as I just kept finding my mind wandering back to the past and people that I have lost along the way and those that I have been lucky enough to hang onto. I think the fact that I have never had a year without a summer holiday with endless hours to fill time with thinking makes me always gets nostalgic around this time. All this thinking did make me realise that I'm actually pretty good at keeping friends- from my primary school best friend, to my high school best friends and even friends I have found along the way on the Internet.
It also made me realise that I am finally getting old... Not old old like a granny but I am not longer a teenager or even a young adult. Now with my job and my savings for the future, I feel like I'm actually an adult. Luckily for now, I'm not yet at the adult stage of my life when I can say I have a husband and children but we'll take those steps slowly.
I do miss being young and somewhat innocent. I miss lazy days where I don't my mind wandering to other responsibilities in my life- I can just spend all day on MSN talking to my friends late into the night.
I guess those days will always hold fond memories in my heart but there's something about the inability to go back that makes them special and untouchable.
Okay, enough with this all. Such a strange rambling today but it felt right to blog. Can't blame creates itself when it feels right!
I'm outta here!
Just to end this blog- here I am as a mermaid. (I'm a little bit obsessed with Snapchat filters at the moment- don't judge me because I make a badass mermaid!)
I always start these blogs the same after I've been away for a while- I know I haven't blogged in agessssss and it's because 1. I run out of ideas for blogs- especially when I blog everyday and 2. My life is always hectic. It is always busy with work things, trying to catch up with my friends as well as learning to drive etc. It means that blogging gets put on the back burner.
Right now, it is Friday night and I am shattered. Even though this week was just a 4 day week, somehow it was extremely tiring. I think it had something to do with the weather because quite frankly, children find it hard to cope when it is hot and this week has been warmer than it has been in a long while. It's lovely.
So since we've blogged, I've been still learning to drive- I've had multiple mock tests with my instructor which I have passed all three, which makes it seem possible. I have booked my test and it is relatively soon so I'm looking forward to that whilst also being scared poopless!
I've been trying to do the 30 day squat challenge and right now, I'm on day 14 and haven't missed a day or a squat. It bloody kills and some days, I look at my legs and behind and really like the changes and then other days I look at my body and hate it. I've said before that I have a really bad relationship with my body and this is one of the reasons why I can't decide!
I've been working hard at work as always, trying to balance pushing my children to meet their targets and letting my children be 5 and 6 year olds and enjoy their time at school. It really is a hard balance especially since the government pushed up their expectations. Poor kiddos.
I have been going to lots of films and dinners with my friends, which is such a lovely relief from the daily mundane routine. But other than that, I really haven't been doing all that much, which is why I never really blog because I have said everything there is to say about driving, working and seeing my friends in previous blogs.
For some reason tonight, I really just wanted to blog. Before coming on here, I listened to this cover on Youtube which you should check out. I absolutely love this song and I never really listen to it but I do that on purpose. I hate overplaying songs because then I end up hating it but whenever I listen to this song, I fall in love with it again!!
I hope you all have a lovely weekend and maybe I'll blog again soon. Until then :) xxx
