Social Withdrawal

Hello guys,

It's Wednesday and today, I just wanted to share something with you that I don't think I have shared with anyone else in my life before. As a quick disclaimer before I get into my blog is that I don't know everything and I don't claim to. I don't claim to be an expert and really am just commenting on something I am experiencing without making generalisations to everyone. So, I think that I found myself getting into a few bad depressive states and one of the biggest ones that I am feeling now other than anger is social withdrawal.

I go to school and work, teach etc and put on a smiley face and then I come home and for the most part I withdraw into my own little world. I stop talking to my family unintentionally sitting with my thoughts and I know it's wrong but I can't help it. And then the worst part is the dreaded feeling when someone asks me to do something on the weekend or on weekdays. Now I love my friends to pieces as I do with my family. They are absolutely everything to me and I don't know what I would do without them but I find myself feeling a very strong urge to instantly decline an offer to go out and do things. This doesn't happen every time but I have definitely been feeling it more and more recently and I think it's because I'm bottling my feelings up without dealing with them. I'm kind of struggling with my emotions right now, however hard it is to admit that.

Social withdrawal is such a complicated thing because it's not anything to do with the people or friends around you and in fact, it doesn't even really have anything to do with going out and socialising. I think the main part is not wanting to infect people with how I am feeling. And I don't want to withdraw, I want to be happy and part of everything that I can be.

I know I'm not too bad because I push past what I can only call anxiety, and agree to go out to find myself having a brilliant time and realising that I didn't need to withdraw at all. I realise that the best thing is to stick with the people that love you the most and let them in to help you. Sometimes, I feel like I've always been a child/person that enjoys my own company and this side only is exaggerated whenever I'm feeling down.

I don't think I'm depressed. I'm sad, yes and I am angry but if depressed is not being able to cope and function with normal life, I wouldn't say I am at all. I'm sad and I think that it will take a long time for me to be truly happy again but then isn't everyone a little sad? Isn't everyone dealing with something that someone shouldn't have to deal with?

I'm just reaching out to anyone that may be feeling similar to me to let them know that it's okay to be sad and to have those feelings of wanting to be alone. But at the same time, I just want to let you know that withdrawing completely isn't the answer. Those friends and family love you so much and they want to help you in any way they can, and maybe it might be nice to let them know your limits of social interaction. If you can only cope with a couple of hours for a cup of coffee, let them know. Let them in!

And so I'm very glad to say that I am happy to be going out with my fabulous and amazing friends that I love so much on Friday <3

xxx

P.S. Sorry for the bit of the dreary blog today but it's something that I wanted to blog about because I am passionate about this.