Losing My Days

I don't know which day it is when, nor do I realise how slow/fast time is moving.

I feel like I'm in my own little bubble where I escape off to my thoughts for a couple of minutes even when I'm listening to someone telling a story. I can't help but go into my own little world and it's only when I'm lying in bed late at night that I really allow myself to feel.

I lay awake and think about the loss and how devastated I am and I can't help but cry and cry until it hurts my chest and my nose is all running and snotty. It's easy to forget about the loss during the day when you have to get on with what needs to be done and it's only when you're lying trying to sleep at night that it really hits home.

Not only do I think about the horrible feelings of sadness about losing my Granddad, but it makes me think about losing my Nan 2 years ago and trying to deal with my sick Auntie. It's too much to handle sometimes and I try and be strong for my Mum and family so I only let myself crumble at night when I'm alone.

It's not weak to cry, and it's okay to be sad. I know that and I want to let anyone else who is or has gone through the same sort of situation. It's okay to be sad.

xxx