Body Conscious

This is something that I have wanted to blog about for quite some time but I didn't know how well received it would be. You see, I am a fairly skinny girl. I always have been and this has always been at the centre of my milestones in life- from being called anorexic by my friends in Primary school to governing how I dealt with my Nan's death. It's a big part of my life, and I think that now I'm older and the world is a lot more body conscious than it was, it is having a bigger effect on me.

As a fairly skinny girl, I find it hard to explain to people my body issues because I feel like people will judge me for being too conscious about myself especially when people say I don't need to be. If I'm feeling fatter than usual and I say so, I always get greeted with negativity. I'm not saying I'm fat by any means but in terms of me and my size, there are days when I feel fat or I don't feel happy with my shape, naturally.

It seems that in life, especially for women, there is such a pressure to be perfect that whenever I look at myself there is ALWAYS something that I don't like. And it seems like the thing I don't like change from week to week. Sometimes my issue with my body stays for weeks, sometimes for a couple of days and sometimes for months. I've never looked at my body and been completely happy and I find that hard. I find it hard to explain that to people as well. I don't know why I can't just stop picking at my body but I don't think that I'm alone at all. There's always something to not like...

At the moment, my body conscious issue is my thighs- I look at them and just see them being fat. I used to have a real issue with eating and losing weight when my Nan died because I wanted the control. I got very skinny and I got very strict with what I ate and more importantly what I didn't eat. I think since then because I was the skinniest I've ever been, any weight I've added back on has been quite a shock to the system and this has made me a lot worse with judging myself. I feel like I've got a double chin, bingo wings and flabby thighs... Whether this is true or not. 

Now, I know saying this, I may cause myself a lot of aggro and a lot of people will be mad at me, but I don't intend for this blog to be something for people to hate me for. I want it to inspire people. I want people to read this and realise that just because you see yourself one way, it is not that everyone sees you in the exact same way. Which of you would have thought I had those insecurities or worried that I had a double chin/flabby thighs/bingo wings? So you see, your eyes don't always tell you the truth. You see what you want to see, not necessarily what is in front of you.

Once again, I hope that this is not received badly. I like to share my life with you all and that includes my hang ups and it means that I'm admitting I'm not perfect, I have insecurities and I'm not always happy with myself.

Don't hate me! I need to love my own body too!

Love you all.

Enjoy your Saturday. Having said all that, I'll probably grab some chips for dinner and secretly hate myself after I've eaten them! I had fruit today so I guess that equals it out. Yeah? Ha!

xxx