Heartbreak

It’s one of those things that you know for sure is inevitable and will happen to you in your life; but one of those things that you would do anything to stop it from taking over your world. To be in love; it’s a weird and wonderful thing don’t you think? It means devoting yourself completely to another person due to the fact that inside you may feel something so strong that it’s unavoidable. Love isn’t something that you can easily place into words; I guess you can say that knowing you are in love is innate. We were never taught how to love when we were younger in the same way that we were taught how to tie or shoes and ride a bike- it is simply there and at some point in our life it creeps up on us; taking us by surprise.

It’s always been a wonder of mine why we would let love in so quickly and allow for it to take over us without asking if it could. At the moment in time, I suppose, nothing else matters than feeling that glorious emotion when you see the person that you love. Have I ever been in love? I’m not sure, I’ve certainly felt like I have been in love various times in my life but can I honestly, hand on my heart say that I’ve felt that abstract emotion that worms its way through almost every film? I don’t know. I’d like to think that I have been in love and that I’ve been loved back- after all people say that money makes the world go round, but its love. Apart from children who are produced by a mistake meaningless encounter of sex, most humans are created through love and passion. If we are getting biological, human life makes the world go round and I guess as a consequence or definitely as a process- love makes the world go round.

That makes me filled with joy for some reason; the fact that above everything, despite what people say, love is something we all want to feel- whether it is a parent-child love, a relationship love or even a love of an activity. It all provides us with that happiness and knowledge that regardless what happens to us, life will still go on, and we can still smile at whatever life throws at us.

On the surface it seems that love is something that everyone should just jump into without a care in the world because it provides you with the most exciting and beautiful memories and feelings, it stands to ask the question what could possibly be bad about falling in love?

The answer to that question is the fact that as easy as it is to fall in love, it’s easier to fall out of love. Love is a game of risk, you risk everything and put it all on the line for someone, you basically give them your heart in their hands and ask them to take care of it, and in that; you risk having it broken or dropped by them. Not on purpose, but simply because life doesn’t hand out certainties. When you fall in love, there is no contract to sign that says you have to stay in love forever, which let’s be honest would be a whole lot better. Heartbreak is territory that we’ve all faced. Perhaps not to the extent of getting your heart broken by a person you were in a relationship with, but heartbreak when a pet dies or a family member passed away, or simply heartbreak when you realise that life isn’t always what it once seemed to be. Sometimes the latter forms of heartbreak and worse than the first.

Heartbreak comes in many different forms but all ends in the same way- some cry whilst some get angry, some get revenge and mostly like me, some try to forget and move on. But as the quote goes “trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.” It’s a hard, long and excruciatingly painful process to try and fix yourself again after your world has been shattered but it’s one that over time gets easier. I can say that I don’t think I’ve felt heartbreak in its truest form yet, but I have felt heartbreak all the same. When you look at someone and realise that everything between you has changed it makes you feel stupid and helpless; stupid because you thought that it would last forever, and helpless because no matter what you did; the problem was you.

I guess what I am trying to get across through this post is that if you’ve ever experienced heartbreak or love; you’ll know what I’m getting at. I sincerely hope that you all find love, and keep heartbreak to the minimum but don’t sacrifice love because you are scared. Go into love with your arms wide open and your heart willing to love, because as the saying goes; it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never have loved at all. At the time it doesn’t seem like this is true, but once you get past the negative feelings and the sadness, you’ll find that you made wonderful memories and moulded yourself into the person you are today.

Let yourself love, and let yourself be loved in return- it’s worth it in the end!

Foam Party

Foam Party. What can I say? It’s a lot of foam, alcohol and so much fun! I was sceptical at first, why would anyone in their right mind get dressed up looking lovely to go out, only to get wet and looked drowned as a rat when they are finished? I’ll have you know my fellow readers; if there are any, that it is a wonderful experience. Foam is a beautiful thing- it reminds me of bath time when I was younger- putting the foamy bubbles on my head for a laugh, and creating a bubble beard and then pretending to shave it off when they started to pop (yes, it sounds lame but as a 6 year old, it is pretty darn cool; ask anyone.)

Anyway, I’m getting off the topic slightly, reliving my childhood. The fact of foam is that it gets you wet but better than just having water poured over you, which is essentially what it is but we won’t get into the technical components of foam. It is absolutely hilarious to watch others have foam on their heads and on their face looking ridiculous knowing that what they look like mirrors what you look like. Oh, the horror indeed of realising that you are standing there with foam everywhere looking like a complete moron, but the beauty of it is that nobody cares. Nobody cares that your hair is soaking wet, your mascara has run halfway down your face and you are spluttering trying to get your breath back because everyone is the same.

Oh yes, the spluttering to try and get your breath back. The worst part about a foam party is halfway through you realise that you can’t actually breathe anymore! The first bout of foam is the best, when it first falls on you and cools you down- there’s nothing like it; no way to describe the feeling of excitement that bubbles up when you touch your head and feel foam. The second, third and probably even the fourth time this happens, the same feeling bubbles up inside of you and it is marvellous…

And then you get to the fifth and sixth round of foam and you’ve been trying to wipe it off your face and head since the fourth bout with no success. The foam is on your hands and wiping your face only adds to the foamy problem. Even this can’t get you down that much, but then you inhale the foam and things go drastically wrong, that’s when the feeling changes. You can’t breathe all of a sudden without inhaling the foam, and you don’t want to inhale the foam because it makes you can’t breathe. So whilst you are trying to rid the foam from your face, trying not to breathe it in but breathe period, and then another round of foam hits you square on the head that travels down to, you guessed it, your face. It is frustrating but you can’t help but laugh at how ludicrously annoyed you look with the foam.

Then there is walking home, where it is lighter than in the club, clearer and a lot less foamy, and you look towards your friends properly and can’t help but burst out laughing at how funny they look with the foam still on their head, slowly dissolving. At this point you have to check how you look in the nearest car window- I advise you not too (it’s not pretty.)

Evidence on my shoulder of a good night out ^^

Don’t get me wrong, besides the minor (yes, minor) detail of not being able to breathe, foam parties are one of the best nights out I’ve had at university since I have been here. If you have the chance to go, then do go, don’t miss out on it! I recommend a thousand times over. Word of advice though, do NOT wear sandals; they will, for sure, slide off your feet (speaking from experience.) Over and out!

University Life

So as I’ve said, if you’ve read my ultimately boring about me, you’ll know that I’ve recently relocated to University- where I’ll have you know all the rumours are true! I’ve only been here just under 3 weeks but it feels like forever. I love waking up and finding people in the kitchen, waiting for a chat. I love coming home and being greeted at the door with a very lovely, although very high screech “Nicole.” I love going out and enjoying myself, with similar people who just want to have fun and have the full uni experience. I suppose there are many things that I love about university and know that as time goes on there will be more and more to talk about. And after all how can you not love University when you live in such a beautiful city?

After 18 years of sharing a room, I finally have my own… woo. However, I have the sole responsibility to keep it clean and make it look homey. I put pictures on the wall to try and make it my own space (even though I can’t redecorate from this cold pale blue paint!); much to some of my friend’s horror who describe pictures of them on the wall as less than good.

My humble abode...

My flatmates; well they are everything that I didn’t expect. In the best possible way, of course. It was my impression that my flatmates would be lazy, dirty, unfriendly and unsociable people who would make my university experience one less than desired and definitely one far from happy. So when I turned up on moving down and found some quite normal looking, down-to-earth people I had to thank the lords. Slowly over time they have become real friends and I couldn’t ask for better people to live with for the next 3 years (yes, we have decided to share a house in the second year, go us!) Anyway, here’s a little picture of our little, somewhat dysfunctional family…

Food is becoming the bane of my existence, fact. Gone are the days when I would come home to a cupboard full of lovely snacks and bits that are ready to just eat. Gone are the days when I would have dinner cooked for me and all I had to do was ask when it would be ready and voila it would be there. Gone are the days when I didn’t have to worry about there being no food in because food shopping was a weekly thing and I didn't have to be the decider, or payer for that matter, at all. But now, I have to do all these things for myself and my gosh, it is a pain in the backside. I never know what I want to eat later, let alone in the next week and I never know how much I can spend on meat- is £1 too much or far too less. I have no clue.

As a true student, I had to take a picture of my first real, complete and balanced meal…

I do, however, love the freedom that I get coming home to my own flat, my own room, cooking my own dinner and going out on my own accord. So, yes, the rumours of university are true, although not to the extent you might think. Our kitchen has not once been too dirty that we haven’t been able to cook. Only one of our flatmates has gotten drunk to the point of being sick, and none of us has gone missing after the night before. University is a whole bundle of laughs and scary moments but it is an experience that I am starting to really enjoy.

Granted, I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks and already miss my family beyond belief, but what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger, right?

Imperfections

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and instantly recoiled at the reflection staring right back at you?

I’m guessing that everyone reading and everyone not have experienced this at least 5 times up until now, probably a whole lot more. Whether that be on a daily basis; a general dislike of who you are, or from the morning after the night before; where you are looking a little worse than wear, or possibility the most heart-breaking, those that don’t look in the mirror at all and recoil all the same when someone gives them a knowing stare. Everyone has things that they dislike about themselves on the outside, their nose is too big, eyes too far apart, ears stick out too much and their lips are too thin that it is impossible to call them lips at all. Our biggest judge in this world is ourselves, we, who are far more critical of whom we are, what we look like than anybody else; and generally are right about these conceptions of ourselves. The thing that I hate most in this world is the fact that someone thinks they have the right to criticise someone for the way they look based on the assumption that because they know you slightly- they have a right to do so. The basic premise of life is that if you don’t have anything nice to say to somebody, don’t say anything; that includes lying about something nice only to say you lied after.

In the world we all hate ourselves, we all have a distorted view of ourselves and we all have lots of things that given half a chance would change in a heartbeat; but it’s not just what we look like on the inside that is taken from us and judged completely. Our personalities and traits get judged too and slaughtered until self-esteem is nothing but a distant memory and a pile of shattered ego on the floor. It is true to say that although a huge ego is mildly irritating for some, an ego is still needed for life to progress; for people to feel the need and want to continue life. It has come to my attention recently that someone I used to know slated me for everything I am not, including my appearance and my personality. It is never easy to hear people speak negatively about yourself but it is worse when you know those things being said are true and have been in the back of your mind for as long as you can remember. When people say the things you feel, it makes them all that much real and something that you can’t run away from. You don’t have to look in the mirror, you don’t have to face up to your imperfections but you have to listen to someone telling you everything you know. It’s easier to believe the bad stuff people say compared to the good stuff.

We all have traits that we aren’t proud of and things that we wish we could change but we can’t and I’ve tried for many years to accept who I am and who I was born to be. Granted; I am not the prettiest flower in the flowerbed, granted; I am not the smartest book in the library and most importantly granted; I am not perfect. I am needy, boring and completely uninteresting most of the time- but I am completely dedicated, empathetic and here to help, regardless what you do or say. Take the time this week to look at who you are, at who you are not, and find things that you like about yourself. There are always going to be things that you don’t like, but level them out so that life looks a little bit brighter when people choose to comment on you in a not so pleasant way- it makes for a happier outlook on life and lets that other person lose to a game that you quite frankly don’t wish to play.

Everyone is beautiful and valued in their own way; and those who decide to put you down aren’t worth the air you breathe. Once you can find beauty in yourself, you can blossom like a beautiful flower that those who are worth it; will take the time to admire.