Happy Halloween!!

HEY!

Last night, me and my housemates had a chilled night in with pizza and a movie. I love these nights in, as I have expressed in a previous blog and due to the fact that it is in fact Halloween today (or at least last night, it was going to be Halloween tomorrow), there was nothing more fitting than watching a scary film whilst enjoying our fatty, greasy goodness! The first problem we came across was trying to find a film that we deemed scary enough. Every trailer we watched just didn't seem like it would cut the mustard, so to speak. We were looking for an 18 and the only ones we could find had a certificate of 15; which we thought just wouldn't be scary enough.

After loads of trolling through the internet, we settled for watching Insidious (the best we could find of a rather disappointing bunch of films). I remember when I first saw the trailer a couple of years back and promised myself I wouldn't watch it; I even turned down going to the cinema to see it because I was too scared of it. But sometimes, you have to face your fears, and it was Halloween; if there was ever a more appropriate time, it was now. By the time we had picked the film, all of us were starving and so we went to get our pizza and then we came home and pressed play to await the scary, horror that would freak us out to the high heavens.

From the second the film started, I have to say I was a little disappointed. I mean, don't get me wrong, there was places when I was freaked out a little, but it never really amounted to anything and then it went from a little jumpy/creepy, to almost hilarious in the attempts of scariness. I understand how fantasy needs to play out in a horror film, but come on; it was laughable. And I did laugh multiple times by how silly it all became. The whole "the further" place was totally ridiculous.

Although, it was a little ridiculous, and more creepy than scary; I did enjoy it. And I'm pretty sure I might get a few bad dreams from having watched it but it honestly wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I wasn't in the slightest petrified and I didn't jump out of my skin once. So, I guess it was a success on that front, but I did wish it had been a little scarier and tested how much I could take. I guess there's always next time. And speaking of, I would appreciate suggestions of horror, scary films in case I decide to move from my comfort zone.

I hope you are all having a super-duper, awesome, fun and completely scary Halloween. Remember everyone to stay safe. I'm off out tonight for a drunken night again, and I'll be sure to post any funny stories that might happen tomorrow. Before the drinking and partying begins, Charlotte and I will be carving a pumpkin and I'll take a picture to share :D

Happy Halloween everyone! Much love from Nicole

xxx

Poster update!!

It arrived!!

So on Friday, my poster was in the postman's hands all ready to be delivered to me but unfortunately, nobody was in to collect it and I was so sad. I couldn't believe that the one time that I could get my poster, nobody was in to accept it. This led to a semi annoyed Nicole that meant I had to get it redelivered hoping that the day I specified for it to be redelivered someone would be in to get it. This morning, I woke up especially at 9:30AM to be ready and waiting for the knock on the door. When I heard the letterbox being snapped open and shut, I was off of my bed like a rocket ship on blast off. If you ever wanna see Nicole run, just knock on the door with my parcel and you'll get to see the magicalness of it. I'm so happy that it came today! Even if it did take a whole month after I initially ordered it.

Better late than never right!

And to add insult to injury, it was only coming from Ohio, US. I was expecting it from the moon or something given how long it took to arrive.

Never mind. I'm happy.
Until next blog, have a wonderful Monday :D turn those frowns upside down, it's not that bad! xxx

The morning after...

So, I went out and got massively wasted last night.

It's always a bad indicator when you wake up with a bruise on each foot, a big bruise and cut on your knee and multiple scratches down your right arm with no recollection of getting any of them...

I would say this is a one off occurrence but I would be telling a bold face lie. The problem is I drink too much before I've even left the house and then make a royal tit of myself when I'm out with people in public. I don't think I'm that bad, but I do have the wake up next morning "what have I done?" moment to contend with today. I had a good night nevertheless.

BUT it's all in the name of good memories, because one day I'm going to look back and it will all be over. I'm going to enjoy, and cringe massively when I think back on my drunken nights out.

I'm young, and a student- it's definitely allowed.

Don't judge. Although, I've decided I'm not taking a camera out next time - it has bad results

Reluctant swimmer

I do not pride myself on athleticism.

Although, I only do one hour a week of swimming; I find it extremely hard to motivate myself to go every single time. I don't know whether it's just because I'm darn right lazy and swimming requires effort or because I have legitimate reasons on not wanting to go. The fact is I don't do enough exercise in my week, and I think I need to be more active so that I don't suddenly balloon one day and wonder where all the extra weight has come from (because right now I can count every single item in my diet that is going to make me fat.)

I love swimming, don't get me wrong. But the thing I love most about swimming, is when the hour draws to a close and I can get out of the pool and not return for another week. Well that's a lie, that's the second thing I love the most.

My favourite part about swimming is the big sense of pride I feel at the end of the session when I've once again met the target number of lengths I wanted to do at the start.

That's probably why I still go because I love the feeling of having pushed myself outside my comfort zone, or outside what I think I can do to achieve something that I don't think I'm very good at.

I'm an English student, and I pride myself on that; but I'm beginning to find pride in other areas of life, and it feels good.

The reluctant swimmer,
Nicole

Wear It Pink 2012

Today, Friday 26th October, it's Wear It Pink day to support and fun raise for breast cancer campaigns and the awareness of it. I decided that I would share my outfit with you guys, and hope that you are all wearing something pink for the cause. It's not hard to pick something pink out of your wardrobe and wear it for one day; even you guys! Last Friday, I wore green for the awareness of saving the rainforest and I am more than happy to support things like this as well as donate. As you know, from one of my previous blogs, I donated £5 to Cancer Research and if you have any spare change and would like to help, give it to a charity that is close to your heart; it doesn't have to be about cancer, or saving the rainforest but every charity would appreciate the money they receive from kind souls. It's all about giving and being better people for it.

Pretty butterfly ring- hints
of pink

Without further ado, I present to you, my pink outfit and accessories! Have a wonderfully, tickled pink day and I'll see you next blog post :) Lots of love xx

I apologise for my gormless expression but
you can see the hot pink blouse!

This doesn't give a good
representation of the colour
but these are very
pale pink coloured
feather earrings, which I love

What jewellery is complete without
a pretty pink charm bracelet?

And when I'm in my lectures
and seminars, I am always carrying
around a pink notepad- especially
will today!

Work woes...

I can't wait for my reading week to come around (one more week to go); and if you ask me, it can't come any sooner. You might ask me why and when I tell you, you'll probably end up telling me to man up and just get on with it rather than making a mountain out of a molehill. But to me, I feel like I am slowly being buried alive with work stress. The final nails are being pushed into my coffin and it'll only be a matter of time before the dirt gets thrown on top of me. They say that the final year is the most stressful and although for my degree, it's of equal importance  as last year (the weighting of year 2 and 3 is the same; 50/50) it still feels like there is more pressure on top of me. And I know that more people out there have loads more coursework due in with less time until their deadlines but the fact is I get one shot at coursework that comprises 50% of my entire module grade without a draft and so it makes me go crazy. And subsequently makes me turn to my trusty, always there blog.

On top of that, I have to face one of my biggest fears in a couple of weeks and present an oral presentation to my seminar group that I am petrified of. I hate speaking in front of large volumes of people when the focus isn't 100% put on me let alone the fact I will be standing in front of the room, 100% on show, full attention on me for a full 20 minutes. It is possibly one of the things my nightmares are based around. And if that wasn't bad enough, I know I'm going to go bright red, get embarrassed by my blushing and then be self-conscious and more than likely fluff up my lines making me MORE embarrassed and making me go MORE red resulting in a big, fat, ugly, evil and embarrassing cycle of Nicole horror :( AHH!

I'm pretty sure this is the way I look right about now!

Anyway, I seriously just wind myself up more when I write these blogs but it feels good to let it all out. At the moment, I am working on another piece of coursework that is based around language learning and methods of teaching; and I couldn't care less about it. To make matters worse, I have to spent hours transcribing, word from word; (adding in the stress markers, lengthening, word emphasis, pause length and non-verbal information etc.) of what each teacher/learner says and it also is sending me mad. It takes forever to have to rewind, play, rewind, play, rewind, check and move on for every utterance.

Now that I have successfully ranted to you guys, once again  I am going to make a brew and shut my bedroom door behind me so I can scream and cry and nobody can hear my pain.

(I'm only joking, I'll probably just go back to my work again but that's less dramatic and boring ;))

Love you all, my wonderful readers who bring joy to me by simply reading my rants,
I wouldn't be able to stay sane without these, and you so thank you! Nicole

Liars

My Mum always taught me that telling the truth is the best way to feel like a good person- honesty is the best policy and all that. "The truth will set you free", as the saying goes and although I haven't always told the truth, I still think that there's a valid point to take from this. Everyone in our lives have been hurt by someone we love/loved lying to us in a way that we thought was imaginable until the truth came out. I don't know why lying seems easier but it does.

I absolutely dislike, despise, loathe and HATE people that constantly lie to the people that they supposedly love. I mean, what's the point in telling someone that you care and love them if you know that behind that you're lying through your teeth? I think a few little white lies are necessary in life, and as long as they aren't big enough to hurt anyone, I don't see the problem in them. "I did my homework" or "I'm fine" type of lie where nobody is really going to get hurt but it's still not the truth and it's annoying but people get over it rather instantly. But when people lie and continue to lie; I don't understand it. Where is the conscience of people that make them feel guilty for hurting those around them? If you have to lie about something; just don't say anything about the topic you're intending to lie about- that means you don't have to tell the truth or make up a lie at all. It really is that simple to choose not to lie to people.

Lies hurt and once you lie once, you'll have to continue to lie again and again until it soon becomes a big web of lies. Stick to the truth, no matter how much trouble you might get into; there's nothing worse than lying, being found out and someone losing all their trust in you. Is a lie really worth potentially losing someone forever? That person will never look at you with the same unsuspicious and trusting eyes that did before. A lie takes a second to conjure up, but you have to live with the consequences for a heck of a lot longer. It's true that the truth hurts, but it's the lies that destroy people.


Be who you are, and be proud of that person you are because there are people in this world that need you, not your lies.

Just don't be a dick, okay?

As always a very chipper Nicole :)
P.S. I think I should allow for only one day of the week to be my vent/rant/moan segment or this will become overwhelmingly negative. Oh well, I'm pretty sure there's a life lesson in this one, somewhere.

Donating hair...

I feel in life I don't do enough things to help others when I can. I am a healthy (as far as I know), fit young woman who has ample opportunities in life for a bright future and yet I sit around and unintentionally, make myself oblivious to all the things I can do for other people that could mean everything to them. I have given blood once, and tried multiple times before but have either been ill on the day of my appointment or I've been lacking in iron but I always want and look for opportunities in when I can give blood again because it's important. I also want to be put on the bone marrow registry when I next give blood because I could be the difference between life and death for someone.

The point of this blog is the fact that I want to help people. I want to do everything I can in my power, with the limited talents I have. Thus, I have given blood, fun raised for charities and donated money. However small and insignificant they appear to be, I know that on some small level I am helping and that's all that matters. So I won't be the person to find the cure for cancer but does that mean we shouldn't try to do the things we can?

The recent thing I have been thinking about in order to help people in any way I can is to donate my hair to a charity that takes the hair and manufactures them into wigs for cancer sufferers. I take for granted the fact that I have lots of hair that grows quickly when I know some people would do anything for a head full of hair. However superficial I may sound, to females hair means a heck of a lot. I'm sure most women would agree that without their hair, they would feel less feminine. I think it's amazing for the women who embrace their lack of hair and I admire their strength and confidence but for other women losing their hair is a huge struggle. If I can do something to remedy that and put a smile on someone's face because of me simply cutting my hair, I want to do it.

I've been researching different charities for which I could send my hair to (when I get round to growing it to the stated length and getting it cut) and I am extremely for sending my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths due to the fact that they create wigs for women going through cancer treatment  In line with my previous blog about Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I think these women deserve to feel beautiful and I want to be able to help to make this happen because every woman deserves to feel like the most beautiful women in the world, every day.

I hope that my hair won't take much longer in growing and then I am more than determined to cut off 9 inches to send to charity. I hope I inspire some of you to take a look at the things you can do in your life for other people. But remember it doesn't have to be as big as donating your hair but the little things still mean as much. It's the thought that counts on the majority of things normal, everyday people can do.

If any of you want to read more about the charity and what happens to the donated hair- take a look at the link I have provided: http://www.pantene.com/en-US/PanteneBeautifulLengths/Details/beautiful-lengths-about-the-program.aspx

Have a wonderful Tuesday,
Nicole

Amazon troubles

I ordered a poster from Amazon (on the right) at the start of this month hoping that it would come soon so I could make my new bedroom at Uni more of a home. If everyone knows the annoyance of having to wait ages for their item to be delivered, I have a story that will not compare to your everyday moan. I know you're all thinking that I'm just being impatient and waiting a week for something to arrive isn't long at all. But this is the part when I get to prove you all wrong and tell you how patient I actually have been.

So, on general delivery, the number of working days you have to wait is generally around 2-5, and if you're really lucky, you get to have your parcel in the 2 days and you aren't expecting it, which makes it all that more exciting. And then on the other flip side of the coin, you have to wait the full 5 days and it annoys you because whenever we see a range, we always seem to think the parcel will come earlier than it says. Anyway, a lot of rambling for something we all know. I ordered my poster with the standard delivery and so 2-5 working days was the scope I was looking at for when my poster would arrive.

Lo and behold my surprise when I got the confirmation email and said it wouldn't be arriving until 10th-30th October. Let me remind you again that I had ordered it on the 28th September. Now this was all well and good because I was hoping that it would be similar to the 2-5 working days and arrive on the 10th and I wouldn't be THAT annoyed.

But here I am still waiting....

I'm still waiting for this effing poster to arrive, and it's already 22nd October which almost marks a whole month between it being ordered and arriving. What makes this whole ordeal worse is the fact I got an email on the 4th October saying it had been dispatched but still won't arrive until the 30th October. Now, I know there is some time that needs to be taken into consideration for shipping from different countries and whatnot but a whole month? Where is my poster being shipped from? The Moon?

Anyway, the point of this blog is 1) to vent my annoyance because all I want is my poster, and at this rate I'm going to be 80 odd by the time I receive it and 2) because I got an email yesterday saying that my poster would arrive 29th October, and I mean at least that's a day earlier than I first thought, right?

I usually like ordering things online but I have to say this is ridiculous, Amazon!

Impatient and frustrated Nicole,
Hope you have a good Monday and don't let the blues get you down :)

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Morning you beautiful bunch of people who are reading this blog,

October is the month of breast cancer awareness and I knew I couldn't let the month slip by without me having posted a blog about it. It's one of those things that are extremely important and although we know the importance of it, and recognise how much it needs our attention; sometimes we don't always pay it enough attention as we should. Sometimes, whilst we going about our daily lives, we forget about the struggles and the sadness that some people in the world are going through; not because we are selfish and don't care but because life gets in the way and that's understandable. The problem is, some people's life is based around the suffering and heartbreak and it's these times that we need to make sure we remember and do everything in our power to try and remedy the tragedy that happens.

So many good women are put through the trials of breast cancer, and regrettably some we lose but some we do get to keep. The tragedy is that we don't get to keep all the strong, brave and inspiration women that battle the disease everyday. The truth is the world is a cruel place where bad things happen to good people who don't deserve it. Every time I hear of a survival story, I am overwhelmed with the feelings of pride for people I don't even know because I know that those women have shown the greatest courage and strength that the world can see. Every day they live their lives to the fullest, making sure every second counts through the pain that cancer brings. When we think of heroes, we shouldn't be thinking of Superman/Spiderman/Batman, we should be thinking of the everyday people that are extraordinary in every single way. My heart breaks a little more to think that so many people lose their loved ones to a disease that we can't cure. Yet.

This cause is one of the things close to my heart. In my family, I have had numerous family members struck down by cancer, including breast cancer and luckily, they have all overcome it but I know many people aren't as lucky. As I know many of you have been affected by cancer whether that be yourself, a family member or a friend and that's the reason why we need to make sure that nobody forgets. We need to always  remember that even if we haven't experienced cancer first hand, there's always the possibility that in the future, we will and the only people that can find a cure is us. Us as a collective doing anything and everything we can to help us rid the world of such travesties.

I have participated in the yearly Race for Life a couple of times to raise money for charities that are helping find a cure and I know how important it is that people fund-raise and add to their charity. However cheesy it sounds, it literally could be the difference between saving a life or not. Next time you want to help, make sure you do regardless how little or how big that may be. The point is doing something to acknowledge and help; it's all that anyone would ask for.


And although October is breast cancer awareness month, it's not just breast cancer that changes people's lives. It's these sort of times that we should turn our thoughts to all types of cancer, and all types of life threatening diseases. With our combined knowledge, one day I hope that we can look to a brighter future where we don't have to say premature goodbyes to the people we love.

This month, I'm going to turn my thoughts to those the world has lost and send my prayers to those that are still fighting. Never give up because the world needs you.

All my love, and heart,
Nicole
P.S. Don't forget to donate any spare money you have to the cause. It's one of those things that needs our help, for our benefit; every penny counts. I donated £5 to cancerresearchuk.org (you can make one off donations) for all my family members and friends that have survived, and sadly those that were cruelly taken away from us to cancer. Together, we will beat cancer!

Extract número dos...

As much as I like to think that every one of my readers are just waiting on tender-hooks to find out when I might post another extract of my story on here, I know that this is just a figment of my imagination increasing my big head about my writing. I don't, however, have any other ideas for a blog post today and although I don't necessarily need to write a blog everyday, I am quite liking this one blog a day that I've been getting into recently and so in order to keep up my continued success in posting a daily blog for the last couple of days, I have decided that I am going to let you all read about the next part of my story; ultimately the male heroine in my story. I'm pretty sure most of you would rather read that than another one of my rants about the world, right?

I realise that posting my story to you guys may be a good thing (I get more people to read my material) but also may be a bad thing (the avenue of potential bad comments opens up greatly from doing so) but seeing as I didn't get any comments saying "you're a shit writer" from the last sharing blog post, I am going to take it as meaning that I'm not half bad (not amazing but not shocking) and might just continue sharing my story with you guys when I get the want to.

So, I hope you enjoy, and if you don't then I shall quit with this show and tell sorta set up and go back to writing blogs that are separate from my fictional story writing. As much as this blog is for me to express and vent everything I'm feeling; it's you guys that encourage me to do so with every view I see my blog receives. Let me know if you don't like it (anonymously if you wish) and I will cater towards the things you like to read instead.

Love you all as always, Nicole
P.S. Thank you everyone who reads my blog on a daily basis. I am getting close to reaching the 500 page view mark and I am beyond excited and honoured for the readers out there

"Derek Young was always known as Frank Young’s son, one of the most successful businessmen in London. He was always the guy that young women would gush over, older women would lust after and all guys, irrespective of age, would envy over. He was tall, well-built, fit and most importantly drop-dead gorgeous. The one thing that Derek knew in life was that he was attractive to the opposite sex and he used that to his advantage. He was never short of women that would throw themselves at him, and want to be seen with him. He always had his pick and choose of the women from one night stands, to flings and if he really wanted one; long-term relationships. Whatever he was suggesting, women would always cater to him. He had spent most of his 20s abusing this fact and had his fair share of women, probably more than some men get to have in a lifetime. He was young and free, and he was wanted; he had no other reason but to give the ladies what they wanted.

                Derek lifted a weight and placed it down, before picking up another and frowning into the distance. He lifted the other one again and alternated the weights before looking over to one of his employees and jerked his head to one of the weights in his hand. Quickly, the employee lifted the weight and he nodded his head without saying a word. He had found out that the less you say, the more power you have; especially when they are contracted to do stuff for you at your command. He enjoyed the feeling of power and whenever he could he exerted it as much as he could.

                “That material is best; it has a better grip and feels nicer on the skin. The other material started irritating the palm of my hand and I know it would only get worse.”

“So you want me to tell that to the researchers and this weight manufactured for selling?”

“Yeah, and then book meetings for the biggest gyms in the country where I can put these forward to the managers and potentially the boss if you can get them.”

“When?”

“Check my diary and see when I’m free. Book meetings when I’m not fully booked. Oh and don’t be an idiot like my last personal assistant, look at the damn place and work out how long it will take to get to each place and then book. The last idiot gave me 30 minutes to get from London to Manchester. I’ll let you into a little secret; that was the last cockup he ever did!”

“Yes, sir.”

He watched as the guy quickly disappeared from in front of him and rubbed the palm against the back of his neck moving his head from side to side. It was times like this he really wish his father had let him get a female personal assistant. He needed some tender loving care, and a neck massage from Lee wasn’t what he had in mind. As well as the fact that she’d be a lot easier on the eyes, something he could flirt with and get all his pent up sexual frustration out on. Even though he had control over the company, his father hadn’t allowed him to have a female PA, apparently because it would distract him from working. Derek knew that it might distract him a little bit but he’d rather look upon a beautiful young woman than a male’s face every day. He wouldn’t even try and get her in bed. Not until he knew how good she was at her job, that was.

He had tried to propose his father choose a female PA for him but he wasn’t having any of it. He could’ve picked the ugliest girl he could find and he’d appreciate her more than he did with Lee. Frank Young was a hard-headed and controlling man and even though he had retired already, he still demanded a say in the company and that included Derek’s choice of PA. Derek knew that a few of his father’s traits had definitely been inherited by him. His father had known his reputation with women and he had stated that at the end of the day his name would be attached to the company for the period of time he was still alive and hell would freeze over if his son gave the company a bad name for the way he acted with women in his private time. Frank had known that Derek needed someone to keep him in line and in business mode rather than tempting him into an office romance. One thing he knew about his son was that he was not gay and so the safest bet was a man.

Derek looked down at the schedule for the day and saw the countless number of meetings with his employees he had. Inwardly he groaned and snapped his eyes shut. Unfortunately, due to the current economic crisis, he had to deal with the part of his job that he hated. Every man and woman who worked at his company did so with the highest degree of commitment and performance level so firing anyone was despised by him. The words “I’m sorry to have to tell you that the company have chosen to let you go” are the worst he had ever uttered to someone. Luckily, in his time at the company he had only had to fire a handful of people, but the time had come around for him to do it again. The list of names was engraved into his brain and he didn’t even have to look at the list again to know who was on there. He could see the faces of the innocent, hardworking and undeserving people of redundancy in his head and a sorrow settled over him as he realised he was crushing multiple people’s dreams and changing their lives for a while.

His phone rang and he picked it up knowing that this was the announcement that one of his employees was already here to see him. With his head down, he listened to his PA before composing himself for the task ahead of him. His soft brown eyes turned grey and cold whilst his body became rigid and hard as he prepared himself to play the horrible boss.

“Anna Whitfield is here for her meeting.”

“Send her in.”

The petite but fairly muscular Anna knocked on his door and he politely asked her to enter; he watched as she nervously came in and shut the door before flashing him a smile. She had a pixie, black haircut and her hands twisted together as she sat in front of her. The first look of her and Derek’s whole demeanour changed. His shoulders relaxed and his eyes softened as he knew the bad boss wasn’t the way he operated; especially in this circumstance.

“Afternoon Anna.”

“Afternoon Mr Young.”

“What have I told you about my name?”

“I mean Derek.” Her voice quivered a little and he hated the sound of her nerves in her voice. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to squash the building guilt inside of him. This was his job, he had to be ruthless and not care. Although he knew that he would care as long as he felt passion about the company and the people who work tirelessly to strengthen it.

“Anna, I have some bad news. Unfortunately, due to the state of the economy, there isn’t enough money for the company to keep everyone on and this is, by no means, a reflection on you or your work. But we have had to make some cuts, regrettably and I’m so sorry but Young Corporation has decided they we have to let you go. We have set up a package that would hopefully last until you find another job and I will personally see to it that you have the best reference a boss can give so that you can get a new job ASAP. I’m so sorry.”

He could see the glistening of tears in her eyes and he handed her a tissue as the tears began to fall. Dropping any formalities and releasing the image of being the tough boss, Derek stood and knelt in front of Anna before wrapping his arms around her and holding her as she cried. He gently whispered his apologies into her ear and after she was finished, she stood and thanked him before walking out. Derek sat back on the edge of his desk, crossed his arms and placed his head against his fist.  It didn’t matter that it was just business, and that lots of people got fired from their jobs every day; it mattered to him because he cared. The employees in his company were more than just people, they were a family that worked together to succeed. Each and every one of them believed in him and worked accordingly to that. He hated seeing them go.

Derek heard the phone ring again and bit the inside of his lip trying to push away any emotional connection he had with the next person who was inevitably going to be sent into his office. He knew that his efforts were wasted when it came to losing any personal feelings for his staff members; he just couldn’t become hard as stone as his father no doubt did for years. Moving round his desk, he angrily picked up the phone and harshly said hello into the handset knowing that today was going to be a rough day; one of the hardest. Without listening to what Lee had to say, he bites out the words.

“Send him in, please.”

Halloween

Halloween "All Hallows' Eve" is coming up in half a month's time, and I have no idea what I am going to be this year. I have already done the devil and a zombie school girl kinda outfit and now there's nothing really left that I have a deep desire to become. When I was younger, I would always go trick or treating namely as a witch because it was easy and I always wanted to be able to fly on a broomstick, I couldn't think of anything cooler. And even though it's a little different now I don't, I still go out to parties and get all dressed up for the sake of it because it's fun and when else can you get a plausible excuse to be anything you ever wanted? Although, thinking about it as a side thought; it would be extremely weird if I still did go trick or treating. Can you imagine a 20 year old something student knocking on doors asking for sweets without a little kid present to justify doing it? Completely and utterly weird, if you ask me. I would definitely slam the door shut in my face if it were me. But, students do look for anything that is considered free so I wouldn't put it past students to having done it before.

I just think that Halloween is a holiday that is specially made for children and I'm not ready to give it up yet. All the cutest outfits are designed for little babies or toddlers and I am way past the age where I can make dressing up as a pumpkin look cute. I can always just get a white sheet and pretend I'm a ghost; is that still an acceptable outfit or does it have to be an outlandish, extremely refined and well put together costume these days? Or if everything else fails, being a cat seems to be one of the most loved costumes for girls, so I could always try out that angle.

The truth is, I'm not even sure most people in the UK celebrate Halloween the way it seemed to be celebrated when I was younger. I think the holiday is becoming a dying art with less people wanting their children to go out and ask for sweets from strangers in the dark. I know that there are elements of scariness for parents when it comes to strangers but I think our politically correct obsessed world has gone crazy in people not wanting to hand out sweets to little children in fear of being branded negatively by society. It's one of those things that makes me sad to think that we are all too concerned with the way we will be portrayed; that something as festive and traditional as Halloween and treat or treating is becoming archaic.

Whatever everyone decides to do to celebrate Halloween, I hope you all have a wonderful, spooky, albeit, safe time in doing so.

Ill...

I have been sick/ill for too long that I can't even remember when I was 100% better. It's not been a constant, worst illness I've ever had; but as soon as I think I have gotten over it and am now better, something comes back and lets me know that I'm not. I haven't been well since about the second week I came back to uni and I've now been back for over a month... I don't know about you, but that is a ridiculous amount of time to be constantly ill. I have a crappy immune system and it drives me crazy. I don't eat particularly bad; I have lots of fruit and veg and drink water and milk as opposed to fizzy drinks etc, which you would think would give me a little edge up on those who don't do as I do; but no, apparently it doesn't.

At the moment, I have a sore throat, cough and a runny nose (the epitome of attractiveness if you ask me) and a constant pain in the left side of my chest. I just hope that I can get better. Along with that, I'm having trouble sleeping and that always starts my day off with a beautiful smile on my face (insert sarcasm here).

NEVER MIND! I'm done with moaning now. You always get the best side of Nicole, you lucky lucky chaps.

As always, the charming, moany Nicole...

The Colossal Misreckoning...

As I've been very much into writing novels at the moment, and my blog always seems to come back round to centre around how much I love writing and how I have managed to find some inspiration to add another chapter onto the novel. As a result, I thought it was about time that I shared a little extract from my current story, the very start. Naturally, if people aren't big story readers then there is absolutely nothing against you skipping this blog and I would have done too but I did say I would share my life; and it seems that writing is always there to come back to and command a very big part of my life and so sharing seemed like a natural progression. I have recently named my story (that is incomplete) The Colossal Misreckoning and this is definitely subject to change because I am indecisive but at the moment that shall remain the title.

The weird thing is that a year ago I don't think I would've wanted any people I knew to read these blogs or to read my story creations but I think it's time that I shared what I loved and hoped that someone else who reads it might love it as well. The only way you can make it in the world is by sharing your "talent" and I use talent in quotation marks because it's a very loose term and I am by no means saying I have a huge, best-selling author's talent; just a little one which allows me a way with words.

Enough of my rambling, I hope you enjoy it and if you did and subsequently if you didn't; let me know with any suggestions you can think of where I can make it better. I'm always trying to better myself and I would appreciate the feedback.

Have a wonderful day, Nicole :) x

"Eva Spence was what you would call a straight-laced girl. She always tried to be the most presentable in every way shape or form; the way she dressed, spoke and acted. She had always wanted to be a proper lady when she grew up and all through her childhood she had tried to keep it that way. Sure, there were moments in her past when she wasn’t the perfect citizen and she hadn’t always behaved completely ladylike but she had tried and for the most part had succeeded. She rarely drank, and when she did, she always behaved herself unlike other girls who would throw themselves at any guy who would pay attention to them. She didn’t believe in meaningless flings and certainly wasn’t going to give a man anything until she knew that he had something to give her. Some people called her naïve, sheltered and some guys who she wouldn’t put out for called her frigid. But to her, it wasn’t her being any of those, it was her being smart and protecting herself from the cruelty of the world.

Eva had decided from a young age that she wanted to save herself for the perfect man, and when she was younger, she had believed that the man she had given herself to was in fact the perfect man. It wasn’t until she had caught him also being the perfect man to another girl that she realised she had worn her heart on her sleeve and had made a huge mistake. Not only had she given her innocence to a man that wasn’t worthy of it, she had stupidly believed that he would be the man she would end up marrying and having children with. At that point in her life, Eva was left to mend her broken heart as well as mend her broken future.

The heartbreak only made Eva want to strive more for her job and she quickly got herself immersed into the world of journalism, with her very first job giving her a chance to broadcast her voice around. She didn’t work for a very well-known magazine, but it was a job and she was able to do the thing she loved the most. Slowly but surely, she worked her way up and left the magazine with a good reference. Reaching far above her potential, Eva applied to a more prestigious magazine knowing that she didn’t have a hope in hell but if life had taught her anything she knew that things weren’t always how they seem. Life didn’t always work out the way you expected it. Even if she didn’t get the job, she tried and you can’t get where you want if you don’t give yourself the chance to get there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as her mother always told her.

Amazingly, she had got the job and they wanted her to start immediately, which she did. Admittedly, her role in the magazine was the lowest she could get without being an intern or the mail boy. At the start the only articles she got was the ones the higher up journalists rejected. None of the stories she had written for over a year had gotten any publicity and during that time the thought of quitting because she wasn’t getting anywhere would always pass through her mind more times than she wanted. She never got closer to quitting than the fleeting thoughts and kept writing the articles like they were for the front page. She put her heart and soul into every piece regardless of the fact that they were hardly read.

It was only from sheer luck that she got an article that was of little importance, but more than her other work had been. One of the higher journalists had been taken ill with her assignment half researched and everyone else was already occupied with other things. If she hadn’t had been walking past Mr Walsh’s office at that moment in time when he had no other choices she would never have gotten the opportunity to show him how good she could write if given half a chance. He had stopped her on a whim. She could tell by his dishevelled appearance that he was desperate but that was fine for her. An opportunity is an opportunity irrespective how it is handed to you. He had asked her if she could write fast and well. After she had said yes, he gave her the assignment on the stop as a trial for whether he would let her take complete control of it. She was given until the end of the day to write a couple of paragraphs of the 2,000 word article to see how she approached it.

Without any encouragement, she took the assignment, read through it and started immediately. Eva must have worked all day, without taking breaks for food or drink, to make sure that she made the most of the opportunity and her work was perfect. By the end of the day, she was stood in his office fiddling with her thumbs and shaking her legs through sheer nerves about what he would think. She knew that it was good but she knew that he wasn’t looking for just plain, old good, he wanted something spectacular and Eva wasn’t sure she was spectacular material. Nothing on his face had told her what he thought about it and it only added to her nerves as the silence in the office stretched on and on. After what seemed to be hours, he looked at her quizzically and then looked back down at her work, nothing about his expression telling her his thoughts.

“What position are you?”

“Junior journalist, sir.”

“Who put you in that position?”

“You did, sir.”

Her nerves had spiked so high at that moment with the fear of being fired on the spot worming round her body. The look on his face and the way he was staring at her, she knew he was thinking he made a mistake for hiring her.

“This is good. Really good. I want you to continue and write the full 2,000 word article. And at the end, I want to see how you do and then have a meeting with you about a potential moving from a junior journalist to reporter dependant on your work, of course. Get it done for next week, Monday. If it’s late, don’t bother coming back.”

Eva thought back at that day with fond memories remembering that as the day her whole life had taken a turn for the better. She had been given the chance to show her boss she deserved to get a promotion and she did just that. She produced her best work and the delighted look on his face as he read through it gave her the warm sensation throughout that told her this was her moment. Eva was fast promoted to reporter and although that was where she stayed until this day, she was able to research, and write more important articles for the magazine. Any step up is a step in the right direction and she could only see herself stepping higher and higher."

Night in...

I have just had one of the best days in a long while and I'm not sure why I feel like it has been such a good day but I felt like I needed to record and share the way I was feeling.

I started the day off with writing and I loved it- firstly, I wrote a blog, and then I wrote some more of my current story along with posting it online to hopefully get some feedback from other writers to encourage me to continue writing. It seems that I have gotten my writing bug back and I hope that it doesn't go away for a while because I simply love turning my thoughts into actual words that I can read back. It's one of the things I love the most- being able to relive the moments that spurred me to write. I never realise how much I miss the feeling of mindless writing until I get the inspiration to write again and in that moment of pure bliss whilst I'm writing, I can never believe that I forgot the magical way it felt.

And then I had a good physical, swimming session with my best friend, Charlotte and although I am not an exercise'y person; I managed to make myself proud with doing 42 lengths (again, not very impressive to normal people but if you know me; you'd understand this is extremely impressive and it's my sense of achievement that makes me proud of myself not anyone else's . Plus it was 2 more lengths than last time and it's all about the progress). And then I spent the rest of the afternoon with her trailing round Tesco, laughing, joking and just being me; one of the rare things that happens in life. I'm a very guarded person and although I let some people see the real me, it's rare that I find someone (beside my family) who I can 100% be myself all the time; warts (spots) and all.

Then, we spent the rest of the evening gorging on yummy pizza, chips and a doughnut whilst drinking a can of coke and a Rekorderlig cider watching Shutter Island all cosy in our onesie and duvet. I don't know about other people my age or those in their final year at uni, but there's something about a night in watching a film and eating takeaway that has become more appealing to me than going out and getting slaughtered from alcohol. Perhaps, I'm growing up or perhaps it's the fact that I've already done the partying that I can finally be happy with a simple night in with those I love. Either way, I am thinking that I need more days where the little things are the best things in the world. 

None of my activities today were particularly special or spectacular but it goes back to my quote from a previous blog which stated that the little things in life don't mean anything unless they're done with the people who mean everything and it's true; this day wouldn't have rated so highly to me if it was done with people that I am mere acquaintances with. 

It was the fact I did it with someone I love and am happy with.

Over and out for another night!

Keep smiling

There's a lot of things in life that can bring us down, either intentionally or accidental. For the most part, the people in our lives that we call friends and family can accidentally make our day that little less bright. For whatever reason, sometimes, the people we love the most make our moods plummet faster than a lead balloon and on the flip side of the coin, sometimes people intentionally hurt us for their own gain. The one thing I have tried to implement in my life is that no matter how hard people try to ruin your day, or no matter how much someone is irritating you, whether for good reason or not- you have to look above it all and choose to be happy because nobody else is going to find happiness for you. Happiness is idiosyncratic; it is individual to each and every one of us.

The easiest thing we can do when someone makes us feel sad is to revel in that sadness and fester for hours and potentially days committing to whatever it was the person may have done or said giving in to the self-fulfilling prophecy those people gave to us of not being good enough. But the much harder thing is to rise above it and choose to smile and be happy despite what they've done. It doesn't even necessarily have to be someone causing your bad mood, but simply a bad day. The fact is we all have them and we all let them get the better of us far too often than we should. But instead of giving in and allowing the bad day or the bad person to affect us more than it should, we should be looking for the happiness; for the moments that make us smile, laugh and enjoy the life we are given. There's always something magical or wonderful round the corner waiting to place that smile on your face- go seek it out instead of dwelling.

Life is short and you're only blessed with one; take the time to cherish every single second of life before you look back with regrets on how you could've handled situations- however cliché it sounds, it's true.

Enough of my philosophical, over-emotional, heart-wrenching advice giving. I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend and are looking for those roses to stop, smell and appreciate :)

Winter is coming

Evening,

As I was walking to town today, I could feel the harsh coldness of the wind on my face and the slight tingle on my nose and ears with the knowledge that they were slowly but surely turning a pretty shade of pink from the cold and it occurred to me that winter is coming. Although, the seasons are probably not as distinct as we would like (mainly summer lacking that sunshine we all crave after the winter), there is definitely a switch in the air when it comes to changing from autumn to winter. The air gets colder, the sun refuses the rise for a couple more hours than normal, the nights draw in closer and the ever presence of hats, scarves, gloves and thick winter coats litter the streets, telling us that winter is definitely here.

I don't mind winter. I love the sunshine and the freshness that spring and summer brings and I love the crunch of the fallen leaves in autumn but there's nothing quite like an English winter. I love the opportunity to wrap up warm going out; wearing big jumpers and coats along with a hat and scarf that makes you feel all cosy inside. It feels like someone is constantly giving you a hug whenever you get to the ideal temperature where the outside cold can't reach you. Everyone loves to moan about how cold it is, and how much rain there is but I think everyone inside truly loves winter even if it's just for the knowledge that when you're all warm and cosy in bed late at night, you know it's freezing outside or tipping down with rain- that's always a good feeling and you can't deny it.

Even more so than wrapping up warm, the change from autumn to winter tells us all that Christmas is coming. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the presence of frost in the morning, being able to see your icy breath and the traffic lights reflecting off of the rain puddles on the roads at night. The fact is, I can't wait for Christmas to come and it literally is just around the corner. The supermarkets have dedicated aisles for the season, and shops are putting up their decorations ready for the Christmas season. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, it's a magical holiday and one that no year is complete without.

Before all that, I'm looking forward to the Ryan family bonfire night firework display tradition and the traditional yearly trip to Harrods to add new decorations to the ever full Christmas tree.

I'm excited. Are you?

Postgraduate problems!

Fellow bloggers,

I have just discovered that this whole postgraduate malarkey is way more complicated than I first thought it would be. I spent my first two years of university being the young naive (albeit mostly drunk) undergraduate thinking that I had all the time in the world to decide and prepare for something that appeared to be a long way off. It was only until I finally came into third year that I realised that the time was approaching in where I needed to create a game plan. I need a fool-proof game plan for what I was going to do when I finally (I say when to be optimistic) graduated from my degree. What I have come to realise was that this game plan should've been written a long time ago and I should've been doing anything and everything to gain experience that will ultimately set me apart from every other graduate that will be applying for Masters/postgraduate courses. Instead I chose to drink and party and generally avoid any thoughts of the future.

Now, I find myself with deadlines for personal statements and applications for courses that I have only just decided I want to do; namely a PGCE for primary education. What I failed to think about whilst I had my great revelation about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life was think about the fact I have zero classroom experience and how I would need to have it. The problem here is that my university course requires weekday attendance and schools only run on weekdays leaving me LITTLE time to do the required classroom experience.

*breathes*

But even worse is when I finally get my butt into gear and research local primary schools where I live to ring up and arrange some work experience around my lecture timetable, I come face to face with yet another obstacle in the fact that the area I live in is student ridden and all have probably had the same thought as I did to ring them up but with the slight difference in that they thought of it earlier and got the place that I was wanting. THEREFORE, my option of doing work experience in a local school has just gone down the drain leaving me with a very sad face as a result.

Now, I have no clue about how I'm going to get the experience in order to get a postgraduate course in order to become a teacher and finally do what I want to do in life. I am so tempted, in my disappointed and let down state, to call the whole thing off, go home and be a bum for the rest of my existence.

But I shall not, and will try my hardest to find a solution to a problem that I'm making out to be the end of the world when in fact, it is simply an obstacle set out to trip me up to see whether I get back up on my feet and fight for what I want.

The End.

Discouraged Nicole...

It's just one of those days...

Firstly, I want to apologise to any guys that are reading this because this blog will definitely appeal to the ladies out there who I hope will understand. Today is one of those days that aren't especially bad for any reason at all but one of those days I find myself getting irritated with people, overemotional because I'm too sensitive around things people say and one of those days that nothing will satisfy me or make me happier than moaning. And what do you do when there is nobody around to moan at? You take to your blog and you spew all kinds of overemotional, girly rubbish about how hard your life is at the moment and how little chocolate you have to make you happy. Which, to any guys who are still reading, it is scientifically proven that chocolate makes you happier and so you can't tell us we're just making things up to justify our huge chocolate calorific intake; it's science. FACT.

Anyway, I'm moving away from the subject that this blog has. I don't know why we all have these days when we just feel like punching whoever is talking to us in the face, no matter how nice or lovely they are being because we know that there is some VERY insignificant about that person that is irritating us. I know this isn't just applicable to women, because men have the same fundamental days but being a women, I like to imagine that they don't understand anything about me because I'm in that kinda mood. I guess in life, our days aren't always going to be perfectly happy- we have to have our down days. I'm just happy they govern just a small minority of our days and time.

Although, some unexpected surprise that made me extremely happy happened earlier and will most likely become an aid in making myself feel better after I have posted this blog and it was courtesy of some kind man standing outside our University Student's Union. And what did this man do to make me such a happy camper (for like 10 seconds) I hear you ask- the magical man was handing out free, yes you heard me rightly, FREE Galaxy bars. And I must tell you Galaxy bars are my favourite chocolate in the whole wide world.

DAY. MADE.

I'm off to have my tea and chocolate whilst hosting a pity party from the comforts of my bed. Byeeee :)

Forensic Linguistics...

Evening all,

One of my modules this year at university is Forensic Linguistics. And I don't care whether you like, love or loathe English- the whole idea about investigating anything to do with forensics just gets our tails wagging and makes us all kinds of excited. When I first saw the modules that I could choose from, I literally thought to myself "I have to do this." There was nothing that was going to get in my way of becoming part investigator in my life; it was my time to shine in cracking the crimes. And if I'm being completely honest, part of my mind did go to CSI and Criminal Minds thinking that I could be the next person to solve a crime and be the hero. Don't lie to me, and tell me that you haven't watched one of those shows/episodes and not wanted to be the person that has the Eureka moment that puts everything together and you finally see what happened in a "ahhhhhhhh, I get it" moment.

One of the first things my lecturer said to us all was that it wasn't all about dead bodies and the hard hitting murder crimes and my heart dropped as I can imagine so did many others in the room who had held the same dream so dear to their heart. I thought we were going to be learning about how people can tell the difference between an actual suicide note and a fake one leading to the truth about a murder and whatnot. And although I'm sure in time, we'll touch on that, I know that the reality is going to probably be less hard hitting and more language bashing. But I think I'm okay with that.

The thing that gets me most interested is the fact that we say things and at the time, we have no idea how much of an impact or how much meaning is compacted into one simple, or so it appears to be, speech act. None of us think about the words we are going to use before we say them; we just do and they end up having the desired effect, most of the time anyway. That's one of the most interesting things about English Language, for me, looking beyond the seemingly random process of speaking and realising that beneath the surface, our minds work amazingly hard to unconsciously put across our thoughts, feelings and opinions without us even realising. I think that even without the murders and dead bodies, this module is going to be one of my favourite ones and it begs me to question whether or not I'd want to carry on down this sort of path (hoping that one day, my CSI dream might actually come true... I'm kidding- I think) and see where it could take me. The truth is, I don't know but I'm going to enjoy it whilst I get the amazing opportunity to learn about it all.

Peace out.

From the heart...

Dear bloggers,

It's been a while since my last post but I spent most of the day today, as I normally do everyday, daydreaming about things that people say and do and assessing how truthful it is to real life. I think it's possible that I live 95% of my day inside of my own head surrounded by the world I have created for myself up there whereby the land isn't as confusing and complicated as real life seems to be. I have realised through my time on this Earth, a tender 19 years, that the things that we are supposed to feel aren't always necessarily the things that we should be proud of.

As a member of a society these days that is so caught up with doing as much as possible in as little time as possible that somewhere along the way of early primary and secondary socialisation, we were taught wrong, our minds have created a box where we have put all of our high expectations and shut them away after being supplied, by society and those around us, false facts that they are essentially unattainable and unachievable. We were made to believe that these "grow up fast" assumptions and oversimplified achievements in life were ones we should hold close to our hearts when in actual fact, I believe the things we oversee as the further from ordinary are those that we should be applauding. We were left with the view that we should follow the crowd and expect less from our lives. For me, I can't help but feel a sadness settle over me when I think of so many young children being brought up in a world where instant gratification is more valued than the hard work and overwhelming sense of pride for deferred gratification.

You can very much call me old fashioned and potentially a product of a past where I didn't quite fit in with the average kids at school; but just one of those extremely lowered expectations I was speaking of previously does centre around the notion of needing to be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I understand the pressures of peers to fit in with society around us, but that kind of social pressure to be normal has destroyed one of the most beautiful parts of the world we live in. This is by no means related to those that are with someone they love and care for very much but is directed at the teenagers who flit from "boy/girlfriend" to "boy/girlfriend" on a weekly basis. Gone are the days of finding someone to love forever, to give your whole self to like you've never before.

But most of all, and more generally, gone are the notions that if you wait, you aren't weird or not normal; you simply value, and place, your own happiness above everything else in life.

One of the things that inspired to write this blog today was my regular viewing time of social media that sparked my interest and got my creative juices flowing to create a single line that summed up everything I thought about life today according to this specific example/topic. And the line went a little like this:

"Staying with someone is not an achievement, but being able to make it on your own is the greatest achievement any one single human being can accomplish in life."

Regardless whether or not you choose to share my viewpoint or want to extensively criticise, and dissect my view into components and then single handedly point out the flaws; the only thing that matters is that in life you have your own opinion. It's one of the only things that isn't governed by someone else, nobody can tell you how you feel, or what to believe in unless you let them and it could one hundred per cent be considered magical that we have that- don't let someone rule your life any more than it legally and socially has to be.

That's all my brain can process for now, 

Until next time,

All my love and goodnight, Nicole

P.S. Because I'm feeling all philosophical and quote'y, here's another little pearl of wisdom that I want to bestow on each and every one of you.

"The little things in life don't mean anything unless they're done with the people that mean everything..."