Two Years

Two years ago to the very day, my beautiful and amazing Nan breathed her last breath and said goodbye to the cruel world leaving behind many devastated and heartbroken people; me being one of the most. It was one of the saddest days I have had in existence and I remember the many months before leading up to the emotional ending. The very last words that was uttered to me from my Nan the night before she died with some of her last breaths was calling me over "Cardiff girl" to give me a kiss. The second I came out of that door, I burst into tears knowing that it was going to be one of the last times I heard my Nan speak to me.. And I was right. 

It's funny because tomorrow I will be graduating and I'll never get to tell her that I did it, despite all the hardships. She'll never get to know how hard I worked and how much I pushed down all my emotions to finish uni and make her last words mean everything. She never got to know that I graduated Cardiff and became her Cardiff girl. I wish she was here to share my success with me and tell me she is proud. I wish my Nan and Grandad was.

I miss her so much everyday and wish that she was back with us all when she was at her best and strongest. I remember all the little stories of her calling me Nicky Nacky Noo Noo and me hating it every time she said it. Even when I was a teenager would she use that nickname for me when I despised it and now I would give anything to hear that endearment. Every weekend, we would go to her house on Saturday for lunch and every week we would spend 3 hours plus food shopping going round the supermarket. As I look back on it now, I used to hate it when I was having a bad day and I wouldn't be the nicest to my Nan; it's one of the regrets I have for not treasuring every second with her.

The truth is time is flying by so fast and I can't believe it has already been 24 months since my Nan breathed the same air as me. I think I'm still going to be this shocked when the 10 year anniversary arrives. Death is so final and I hate it. I had never experienced it before my Nan died and my Nan was one of the closest people in my life. And now she's gone, forever. 

She was meant to be invinsible and never leave me. She was one of the strongest women I knew who dedicated her life to her family.

I hope wherever she is, she is happy, safe, healthy and with my Grandad. I hope she also knows how much we love and miss her, and how much we always will. 

xxxx