Since my Nan passed away on July 16th 2011, I have struggled with accepting that she's no longer here. My lowest moment was between July 2011-January 2012 where I literally cried myself to sleep every night I was that devastated by my loss. Gradually over the months to come, I got better and cried less even though she was still in my thoughts every day and I had my ups and downs of sadness.
Recently though, this devastation feeling has returned and every time I think about her, I begin to tear up. The hardest moments are when I am trying to stop myself from crying in public whenever I think of her. I have had countless times recently where I have had to turn away from my friends in order to stop them from seeing me tearful. If I see an old lady that resembles her, I tear up at the wishing that she was still here. I don't know whether it is because I am more emotional in general given the stress of uni and the fact it's my last semester or the fact I'm going to be graduating soon and she never know I have or I have realised that so much time has gone past since her death.
It feels impossible that it'll be 2 years since she was still here with us in a couple of months.
I just want her back; my heart hurts whenever I think of her.
I miss her so much ♥
"I would do anything for another minute with you, 'cause it's not getting easier... You will be folding stars."
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